Thursday, May 9, 2013

That Time I Almost Gave Up

Remember a few months back when I said I wasn't giving up on writing? Yeah. I almost gave up. I went through a dark phase where I was just too emotionally drained. It's kind of scary how that could happen to you, and there's nothing you can do to stop it. You cry for no reason. You sit there staring at the computer feeling sorry for yourself. You completely stop writing and feel even worse. You feel completely at a loss and don't know how you're gonna make a comeback. Everything seems kind of pointless.

Most people don't realize how much of yourself is invested in your writing. They don't understand all the time and energy and passion you put into those words every single day, every hour. People are like: "It's just writing." No. No, it isn't. IT'S MY LIFE.

It's when you want something so bad, you'll spend days, weeks, months working on something that earns you no money. That keeps you up all hours of the night. That becomes the constant thing on your mind no matter where you are. Most people comment on the fact that I spend all this time and nothing ever comes up it. How can you spend all that time working on something for free? Because I love writing. It is everything to me. And because I want to say one day: "Yep. That's my book."

I don't care about the money. Sure, who doesn't want to quit their day job and become a full time writer? OF COURSE I WANT THAT. But what I want more than anything in the world is to hold a book in my hands that I wrote and know that I did it. I made my dream come true. I'm a published author and this is only the beginning. I don't want to stop at one book, or two. I want to write for the rest of my life, because I've never been more passionate about anything.

So when I hit that rather large bump in the publishing road, I very nearly gave up. I wasn't sure, and I'm still not, whether I'm going to get another agent. I don't know if this book or the next is gonna be the one. And you know what? That scares me more than anything. But what I do know is this:

I love to write.

And if this is all I ever do––if all I do for the rest of my life is write one manuscript after another and nothing comes of it––I'll at least know that I gave it everything I got. And to me, that's all I can ask of myself. I win either way.


  1. I love this, and I think you perfectly encapsulate what non-writers don't feel: that NEED to write. I absolutely understand what you mean by "it's my life." Of course it isn't "just writing."

    Kudos to you for not giving up!!

  2. Thanks for sharing this. I've been going through some of the same feelings. As much as I love to write, I don't know if I'll ever succeed professionally. But I love writing so much I can't give it up. It's great to read a post by someone who feels the same way.

  3. Thank you for writing this post. I have felt like this on so many occasions. But I think you're like me. If I couldn't write, I might as well just die!!! It is my life, too.

  4. This. So. Much. This. Beautiful and true. <3

  5. Thanks for that! It's exactly the way I'm feeling at the moment, so it's nice to know I'm not alone...

  6. I can only echo what everyone else has already said. I finally talked to a friend today about this same exact thing. It's torture sometimes, but I can't get myself to stop. Thanks for sharing!

  7. I say this all the time. Writers are amazing creatures to do what we do because we have to do it -- not because we get paid to. You echo my thoughts exactly. Well done.

  8. I needed to read this today. Thank you.

  9. not everyone who wants to be a writer - or says they want to be a writer - becomes published. (and let's not even go into the people who DO get published and it doesn't go the way they'd hoped.) writing is hard and getting published is harder. but I do believe that the ONLY sure way to NOT get published is to give up. When I feel like giving up I just go ahead and imagine it. I tell myself, I could give up, tomorrow. I could do something else. and the future I imagine for myself is so unappetizing, so *wrong* that I make a conscious decision NOT to give up. I don't know if that will change in the future, but that's what I feel now. I am really glad you didn't give up :)

  10. Good for you for picking yourself back up again. :) It sounds like you went through some disappointing stuff, and it's really inspirational to see you dig deep and deal with it so well. With this attitude, I'm sure better things are on their way. <3

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  12. I understand this totally. Some days all I want to do is throw in the towl and give up. It is so emotionally draining and almost hurts me to write since I never think that I will end up being good enough for the dreams I want to achieve. It is one of my greatest fears to not be able to fulfill those goals to just like you be able to say with a book in my hands, "See? I did it. That right there..That tangible thing? That is mine."
    God, I hope that I am good enough to get there...I have doubts every day about it. But most of the times maybe after a few minutes, or and hour, or days...I finally pick myself back up and sit myself at my computer and just keep my fingers typing all over again. Because that is what I do. It is my life...It is going to be apart of me forever...and I really really hope that I am good enough every day, but I just keep on writing. I know that I feel lost without it. So, I write...

  13. Heather Marie, I could have written this post. Never in my life have I read something that so clearly related my own feelings. Never in my life have I read something and felt my heart jolt so violently and think, "This is me. This is ME."

    You're so brave to share it! Thank you.

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  20. Thanks for this, Heather. I've having a day myself.


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